Things your husband isn’t telling you he needs

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  1. Men want their wives to say, "I love you." 

Yes … but! Really, men want to know they are it – that they are “the one” for them. So while hearing “I love you” is important, what men really want is to be accepted, appreciated and that there wives see them as special and cool. (If they are really honest, that they are their hero) Men need to hear that often and sincerely.


  1. Men want their space, especially after an argument. 

Yes and no. First, men and women both need “space” at times as part of engaging in a healthy relationship. And not all men need time outs from an argument. What we all need is “time out” in arguments that are going nowhere. Men think in linear ways and need to see progress in conversations so the trick is to learn to resolve conflicts effectively and by minimizing anger in favor of healthy strategies. Arguments that go on and on are challenging! No one – NO ONE – likes to postpone resolution in arguments.


  1. Men want their wives to initiate sex.

Of course! Men need to know their wives have desire for them. They are use to “desiring” women and being the one who pursues sex with their spouse once they are married. (This is true in 80% of marriages) But it also feels good to be pursued and desired – in and out of the bedroom. But– what men most hope for more than who initiates, is whether their spouse enjoys sex with them once it gets going. Women who enjoy sex, whether they have initiated it or not, rock their guys world!


  1. Men want to be touched.

Touch is vital need for both men and women. It is a tangible way to say “I’m thinking of you” or “I care for you.” For men, sex can be the ultimate “touch” but non-sexual touch is more important to men than we often think. Touch allows men to know they are cared for, and that their wives want to be close. This form of reaching out often diminishes over time in the marriage so bringing touch back into the relationship is vital to reigniting passion and sustaining connection.


  1. Men want to be respected, praised, appreciated and validated.

This may be the most significant need men have – to feel accepted, appreciated and ultimately, respected for who they are, what they bring in to the relationship and how they are valued. Men struggle to know they bring value into the marriage and so often hang their hat on how much money they make and how they protect their families. Hearing how they are valued and respected, including but apart from how hard they work, gives them a better sense of their own actions and behaviors that make a difference. Otherwise, men can feel taken for granted. Men often, in their families growing up, hear very little specifically about their worth and value – unless it’s related to grades or a sports success.